“Then after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them; for you are a Galilean.” But he began to curse, and he swore an oath, “I do not know this man you are talking about.” At that moment the cock crowed for the second time. Then Peter remembered that Jesus had said to him, “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.”
-Mark 14:70-72 (NRSV)
‘thump - thump --- thump - thump -- thump - thump – thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump’ my heartbeat quickens, filling my eardrums, breaking my ribcage as I enter the grocery store. My eyes flicker from person to person gauging their distance - ten feet - six feet - five feet and sweat pours from my brow. ‘Focus on the groceries,’ I remind myself. ‘Move away,’ I scream to my body. The motion helps; but the fear has gripped me, gripped my heart, gripped my body. My words – disjointed – as I ask for “ham - sliced.” People speak; but I cannot comprehend. So, I race through the store, mindlessly grabbing things, and relying on a list crafted while in the safety of my home. Hoping that I do not forget - anything – fearing - this excursion could cause the death of a loved one…
Was it any different a few years ago? When I was living paycheck to paycheck and laid off only days before Christmas? Was it any different when bills piled up during the last recession? Was it any different every time we are confronted with the unknown, with the plagues, with the economic ruin of this world?
Our pulse races, our eyes flutter, and our minds stop thinking; because, fear has set into our body and become flesh. But we cannot exist in this place of fear. For when fear settles into our flesh, we stop thinking, we start reacting, and we fail to act faithfully.
In much the same way, Peter acted through fear in the hours after Jesus was crucified. Fear which had gripped his being and destroyed his ability to think when he denied Jesus three times. Is this the type of reaction we wish to express? Do we want fear to grip our beings and let it control us? Or, do we wish to step into a world of love, trust, and faith? Do we wish to react or reach out proactively for each other and rebuild a world which has been economically devasted by a deadly disease? Do we wish to remain of this Earth or live into the kin-dom to come?
I pray that you choose life in the kin-dom. However, to set aside the fear it may mean that we have to step out of the store, find some economic reassurance, or hear the “cock crow twice.” Maybe, one of these acts must happen so we can release our fears in a flood of tears; so, we can stop being fear made flesh.
Perhaps, the act of release is a gentle walk – a part time job online – a trip to the food pantry – a call to family – or a simple prayer to God. However, you need to release your fear; please know, you are not alone within the darkness. For, you are a child of God and she is eternally with you.
-Holy God thank you for reminding us that even in the depths of darkness we have nothing to fear for you are with us, holding us, and carrying us into the light of the kin-dom to come. Amen